CEC Retreat
When I asked my roomie what the CEC Retreat was, the only answer I received was that she could not tell as it would be better for me to experience it myself. Therefore, as the buses pulled up at the Glorieta Camp, I had no idea what to expect out of it. I also had been busy with school work that the weekend that the thought of having my weekend taken away was a little frustrating. Nonetheless, I decided to use the opportunity to ponder more on my work and to hopefully also get inspired to new ideas.
The experience I had there was undoubtingly one of the best I had in my first semester. At first, as a more reserved person, I was uncomfortable sharing my stories with everyone. Though, after the group leaders opened up and shared with entire group their personal stories, a lot more people began doing the same. Through their stories, I was able to see how everyone had had different struggles in their lives and also the different ways that people chose to deal with them. Some embraced them as part of their identity and, by listening to their stories, I understood more about my friends and their motivations behind certain things. Some fought with them and buried the failures within themselves that I was surprised to learn that people who seemed to be absolutely perfect had also faced setbacks in their lives. In the end, I learned that we had all encountered different challenges in our lives and since a lot of them had played an important role in shaping us into who we are today, we should not be afraid to talk about them. Subsequently, I started sharing my own stories as well.
One particular activity that stood out to me was acting out the timeline of our lives. I first started by drawing the happiness over time graph of my life onto a sheet of paper. Then, I was told to walk from one corner of the room to another while also narrating and acting out the significant events that affected our happiness. While in drawing I was able to gather my thoughts and select what I wanted to show before putting them down, I could not do so when acting. Since I took the first step out of the corner, I was forced to keep on moving forward and could not spend as much time thinking about what I should act next. I then immersed myself in the memories, recovering what happened years ago, and truthfully translated the emotions of such time into movements. I thought this was a definitely better representation of life than drawing. I had to move on with every step I took, symbolizing the flowing of time that is unstoppable even when we are feeling down. I did not have as much time to think about what I already acted or was going to act next as I became too focused on translating my emotions of a specific moment in the past into actions. By presenting to everyone the unfiltered emotions, I was able to reflect on everything that happened and became aware of other details that I thought were not important before.
Apart from the reflective activities, another aspect I held valuable was the draw back or the "retreat" itself. I was frustrated at first that I was suddenly taken away from school and hence works that I intended to finish over the weekend. It was only end of the retreat that I realized the pull back was something I strongly needed at the time. I had been too focused and absorbed in school that I did not have the time to breathe and look up to see what was going on in my life. With the responsibilities temporarily removed, I had more time to spend with myself. I became inspired by the nature and nighttimes – not for work ideas as I originally intended but more on my own self. I am extremely grateful for all the experiences I received at this CEC retreat.
Below is the poem I have written in one of the activities:
I dreamed since I was a kindergartener,
chasing after things I believed would make me better.
I dreamed to be a good daughter,
for my father and mother.
I dreamed to be a good sister,
to my dear younger brother.
I dreamed to be a good schooler,
earnestly listening to my teacher,
I dreamed to be a good photographer,
having people attracted to my pictures.
I dreamed to be a good debater,
triumphing in tournaments after another.
Throughout my life I strived to be stronger,
and as I accomplished everything, I smiled to myself, the winner.
But as I flew up higher and higher,
trying to catch my breath as the wind got stronger.
The air became colder and the ground became further,
"How hard must the fall be," and I wonder.
The light upon me is now brighter,
but the shadows are also darker.
I am in the middle of this cluster,
trying hard not to quiver,
and so nothing defines me better,
than that I am none and from all over.